


You Know, It's Not So Bad Once You Try The Ripplefluffs

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck, Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Content Warning: Expletives, Crossover, Gen, Hermaphroditic Trolls (Homestuck), Just...Swearing. A lot of swearing from both ends, OC, OC Relationships - Freeform, Trolls (Homestuck), Trolls (Keeper of the Lost Cities)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2020-12-16 16:10:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21039011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Watch out, Foxfire: In rolls Miss Mirnai, ready to take the elvish world by storm, one mishap at a time. Watch as Mirnai...-Gets straight-up murdered by Vespera (oh no)-Teaches Sophie what 'a lesbian' means-Steals hair products-Nihilism-Has an overall great time!!!!Contains for public viewing: Keefe and Tam being Very, Very Good Friends I Mean Wow, Murrdurr, Jeez Mirnai, I had No Idea you were this Cool, Mister Vanilla Milkshake, Ro, Ripplefluffs, Animals Despise Gods, and LGBTQties.





	1. Chapter 1

When you finally see her, she’s talking to a bunch of first years.

The girl with the empty eyes. You can’t ever pin down what ability she has, because she certainly floats around literally everywhere, but her eyes are so strange and so un-elfin that you don’t think that her ability is just ‘floating around’.

Dex swears he’s seen sparks fly out of her eyes, and you don’t doubt him. She speaks like she’s never been around a single elf before, and when you did the unthinkable and read her mind, you saw the most strange things… A person in a suit with no face, a girl with gray skin and curly hair, and the strangest feeling, all tinted with pink.

You don’t look into people’s minds anymore.

She notices you staring rudely at her, and winks one of those crazy eyes. Well, your eyes are brown, but at least they have a defined iris and pupil. Her eyes are all one solid color, the left one a lime green and the right a dazzling tyrian purple.

“Ya checkin out de goods?” Her voice is simultaneously lilting and heavy, with a Forbidden southern accent. She seems to be incapable of making a _th _sound with her mouth. Then, to your horror, she starts floating in your direction.

“Do you know where ah could fahnd de owner a dis fahne ahstablishment? Or maybe de ablution chambah?” You break out in a sweat and mumble, “The-the headmaster? He’s right this way…”

Her voice, terrifyingly, breaks accent. “Thanks!” In retrospect, taking her to Magnate Leto should have been the first thing you did.

You scurry along, attracting attention from Keefe, who is as usual somewhere near you, and Fitz, whose class has just gotten out. The girl waves at them, utterly complacent as she is led along by you.

“So, what’s your name?” You jerk your head to look directly at her, and then you realize that she’s worried about you, a nervous smile on her face. She’s about the same age as you, a Level Four, and you can’t help but feel similarly to her; she must be so nervous!

Maybe you aren’t in danger as much as you thought. “My name’s Sophie.” To your surprise, she starts counting on her fingers, going under her breath, “1, 2, 3…”

She stops counting, having reached six, and says, “What a cool name, Sophie! I’m Mirnai de miracle! “

“That’s…cool…” You’re both speaking in the Enlightened Language, so she’s…maybe an elf?? You both arrive at Magnate Leto’s office, friends in tow, and she suddenly has a weird letter in her hand, one that was not there before.

She opens the door, and stage-whispers, “Hello? Mistah Magnate?” You practically teleport next to her, expecting to explain to a seething Magnate Leto the meaning of this, but all you see is the man himself, relaxing in his customary chair.

He startles when you clear your throat, and looks up and registers the enigma that is Mirnai.

She bounds up to him and hands him the letter. After scanning it for a bit, he puts on a puzzled expression and hands it to you. Keefe and Fitz crowd around you as you read, in English:

_Do I have your attention now, you foolish children of bitches? _

_My name is D. Murmur, AKA Grim Reaper, AKA the bitch who started all of this. You bitch before you my beautiful, lovely, amazing, stunning matesprit, Mirnai Mrzzen. Due to the bitching intervention of a Mister Vanilla Milkshake [sic], she appears to be one of you magic bitches. I only figured out that she was going to be bitched over to where you live a few days before it happened, and that was from the bitch herself. _

_So, what is Mirnai? To answer your question in depth, the only real answer can be heard from the bitch herself. She is, to put it very simply, a <strike>bitch</strike> troll. That’s her species. She won’t be staying for very long, but until then, she’ll help bitch things along in the correct direction. _

_Because that’s what happens when all you bitches fail to do it yourselves: Bitch Space sends in help. Divine help. She’s equipped with everything she needs, so don’t worry._

_Also, she can fight and run very fast and bitch things with her psionics and see the future and read minds and hearts and read souls and the auras of souls. She’ll be a great help. _

_Also: The bitch is hungry._

_Whatever you do, heed the warnings of the white text but do not trust it. _

_Extremely insincerely, Darcie Murmur (5-time gold medalist at the 2035 Summer Olympics, Witch of Blood, Lesbian)_

_P.S. Don’t ask about the blood._

_P.P.S. I love you, Miracle! <3_

After reading that profanity-laced letter, you have about a thousand questions. You hand off the letter to Keefe, you reads it once, twice, and then starts howling with laughter, holding his stomach so hard it might rupture. He passes it off to Fitz, who exhibits a similar reaction.

Magnate Leto clears his throat, and you look over in his general direction as every single one of yours, Fitz’s, and Keefe’s bodyguards rush in, weapons primed. “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!” Sandor and Bo yell, almost in unison. Tarina spreads out her full arsenal, preparing to completely and totally murder the heck out of Mirnai, who looks quite agitated, small sparks flying out of her eyes.

Suddenly, everything _shifts—_

Sophie: Be Mirnai.

Sophie can’t be Mirnai, as Mirnai is much too busy being Mirnai.

Anyways, this room has become way too crowded for your liking. You attempt to hiss, but you suddenly find that you are lacking the organs to do that. All you do is kind of sputter. You facepalm.

Everyone turns their heads in your direction, momentarily paused in their various actions.

Well, at least you have their attention now. You clear your throat and allow your robes to materialize, bathing you in magenta.

You turn on your first-level Active Heartsight and see that yes, nobody really meant you harm. They’re just confused and scared and very, very, tired. Before anybody can notice, however, you pass on the narrative to your new friend.

Sophie: Attempt to calm down your entourage.

Like that’s ever going to happen. Tarina points her very sharp knives at poor Mirnai, along with all of the other bodyguards, as Magnate Leto attempts and fails to calm everybody down.

You trade looks with Fitz, and just like magic, your thumb rings snap together.

You both think to the whole group, with the exclusion of Mirnai, **_WILL YOU ALL JUST CALM DOWN PLEASE. _**

** **

_Click! _Your rings disconnect. Everybody is staring at you, incredulous. You blush and shrug. If that’s what it takes, you’ll take it.

Mirnai is quivering ever so slightly, and Tarina is the first to engage in conversation. “Who is this and why is Sophie, of all people, alone with her?” Mirnai seems to regain some spirit and extends a hand.

“Hello! I’m Mirnai.” She puts on her most winning smile, except that she appears to have very, very sharp teeth. Didn’t that letter say she was a troll? Perhaps this was a troll growth stage? Who knows.

“Are you a troll?” Tarina, eyes narrowed, asks in Trollish. Mirnai’s eye widen with glee before she replies, in a language mostly made of clicking and squeaking, with the occasional trill. You almost get what she means, but it’s not actually Trollish, and you suspect some of the sounds might be butchered by her ‘elvish’ throat.

“Yes, I am! One hundred percent fine Eard C stock, descended from an Alternian called da Gleeful!” Tarina is taken aback, and tries once more. You suspect that Mirnai is tricking you both from the comprehensive expression on her face.

“I’m gonna ask you one more time—“

“Cut da crap, bulgechomper!” Mirnai has lost her patience. She rises a bit higher in the air and bends down with impossible flexibility so that her face almost touches Tarina’s. “What do you want.”

Tarina gets annoyed, obviously at the end of her metaphorical rope too. “Well, I just want to know what’s going on!”

Mirnai smiles, innocent, and hands her the letter. She reads it, stifles a laugh, passes it to Ro, whose face turns purple from the effort of keeping quiet, who passes it to Flori, who passes it to Sandor, who passes it to Bo.

All of the guards and elves look at you, and Dex whispers, obviously trying to find a scientific way out of this, “How can she be floating for that long?! Are those her real eyes?”

“Yes and yes, tiny rustblood!” Mirnai overhears. Ro basically dies from laughter, and Magnate Leto clears his throat, directing the attention to him.

“So, I’ve had some time to think,” he starts, “and after careful consideration, I think that Mirnai should stay with Sophie, mostly because she has the most bodyguards. I’ll take her to Elwin for a checkup and then take her to the Ruewens. Also, some dinner will have to be arranged.”

You don’t have many objections to that, but you feel uneasy about Mirnai in general, mostly because there’s so much you all don’t know about her and where she came from, although that letter was a big help.

Mirnai: Have Your Sacred Personal Space Invaded.


	2. I Hope You Know What You're Doing, You Divine Magical Shitface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terrible humor, grubcharrone, Vespera, Keefe laughing, and so much more await you in the second installation of the completely ignored #456 piece of shit story You Know, It's Not So Bad Once You Try The Ripplefluffs!

Mirnai: Have Your Personal Space Invaded

You are led along by the very tall tealblood(or, at least, he certainly seems that way to you)to an infirmary, occupied by a short somebody with very colorful layered glasses. Is he a psionic, like you? Only time will tell. The Magnate introduces him as ‘Elwin’.

You sit on the proffered medical examination table and spout shit that makes you seem very, very stupid. You aren’t. It’s just easier for them to deal with you that way. Elwin demonstrates his psionics by flashing lovely balls of light everywhere, and you respond in turn with your best display, a smattering of magenta and green sparks and bolts of harmless lightning.

During the physical, your space is professionally invaded: balls of light are flashed around your teeth, your godscar, your eyes, and your tongue, the only physical proof you have of your non-disguised form.

“So, you’re a doctah, huh?” He looks up in surprise.

“Yeah, I’m a doctor. (Jeez, you’ve got a ton of toxins in your body!)”

“I’m immune to poison.” He frowns deeply and hands you a crystal bottle filled with what looks like water. You drink up, downing the sweet water. Gog, you’re thirsty, and you realize you haven’t had any water today.

“This scar…it’s right over your heart. Or…what serves as your heart. It’s super thick too, like a deep stab wound. Did something happen to you?” This guy must be new. You decide to go with the truth.

“Mah BFF stahbbed me drough da bloodpusher.” I mean, you lived, but not really. He gasps, almost comically in your eyes. How anybody understands you through your thick accent is your guess. Elwin puts his glasses to and pinches the space between his eyes. He looks very tired, and suddenly you see him tripping. As he gets up (to trip) you grab his arm and say, “Careful, you were about to trip!” He gives you a weary smile.

Magnate Leto reappears, and Elwin scurries over to him, showing him what must be a typed report of your general anatomy. Obviously.

Sophie also makes an appearance along with two taller…hmm…Well, she’s obviously jade, so that’s an oliveblood and another tealblood, or perhaps a cerulean. Maybe a cusper.

Anyways, you infer that they are, yes, her parents, and they introduce themselves as such. You want to squish all of them in an enormous hug, but you feel that that would not be the wisest course of action. Sophie takes your hand in hers, holding it tight as she steps near an enormous pale blue crystal and holds up another clear one, saying clearly and directly,

“Havenfield!”

The larger crystal reacts, and beams of light shoot out toward you and you drift forward and _s p l i t_

Oh, the pain! Oh, the feeling of being _dissolved- _

_AAUUGUHHH_

You are dead. You can hear Sophie screaming and you refuse, REFUSE.

You are alive. And you See

Grady and Edaline are standing over you, eyes wide in shock. Sophie is standing behind them, looking absolutely terrified. You raise up your hand to massage your horns, but as usual, they aren’t there. Your hands, however…are transparent.

“H-how are you not dead?” Edaline asks in a pained voice. Even as she speaks, your color is coming back.

“Well, I tried doing that whole ding one time, but, ya know, it didn’t work!” You crack a smile. You are an effortless mood-lightener, and it shows.

Grady and Edaline sigh. A new voice emanates from behind you.

“Wow, Glow Girl, I thought you were dumb, but this is cool!” Oh! It’s the hot purpleblood girl! She’s with her cerulean pal, the one with the blonde hair and the edgy matesprit. She’s so tall and pretty…

“Yeah, we thought you were a goner!” The boy jokes warily. He likes to cover up his real feelings with jokes, quite obviously. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced. I’m Keefe, and this is Rom—“

“RO!” She drops him heavily on the ground, and he breaks into peals of laughter.

You rise up from the ground, floating gently, and follow Grady and Edaline, along with the kids, into their home, which they call Havenfield. They whisper worriedly to each other, and you just KNOW it’s not the last time you’ll be hearing about this whole incident.

Over dinner, which is only vegetables, annoyingly, you discuss traditional Alternian ingredients with Ro, who is simultaneously disgusted and impressed with the notion of grubs in food. It kinda goes like this:

“Man, dis green stuff is nice, but you know what would be just transcendent? A good Alternian grubloaf!” You chomp your chickenspinach. Ro, upon hearing this, does a spit-take, with her charge cracking a grin.

“What in hell is ‘grubloaf’?!”

You twirl some noodles around your fork. “Well, ideally, it should have de consistency of a fluffy cake, with gushy pockets and crunchy grubcharonne baked droughout. I don’t think elves would like da ingredients, dough. “

“What? What’s it made out of?” She leans forward, entranced by the description of your favorite delicacy. She’s just like that dinosaur you met earlier!

“Well…” You grin toothily and crack your knuckles. “It’s mostly made of troll babies in various forms of processing.”

Tarina, across the table, is suddenly very close to your jugular vein. You are slightly fazed. “Not that kind of troll! My kind of troll! We’re born as helpless grubs!” You’re starting to sibilate your s’s. Ro is turning green in the face, and Dex (you think that’s his name) looks disgusted.

Man, you love these guys. They sure do beat the humans at home.

When all is said and done, Sophie invites everybody to her enormous room and the topic of conversation is immediately turned to you. Dex is the first one to ask you something.

“What’s the deal with your whole taking-things-out-of-the-air thing? I noticed you doing it earlier and you’re not a Vanisher or Conjurer, so what gives? I can’t even figure out the mechanism?”

He means your sylladex, doesn’t he. You summon your actual physical sylladex into the world and show him the cards. “I’m sure you’ve never seen dis before, but, where I come from, yous can buy your own pocket dimension for storage!”

His mouth drops. “Are you serious? Can I, like, hold it?”

“Sure!” You hold out your modus to him and he takes it gingerly, eyes wide. “How do you get things out of it?” You scroll through and find—no, not that CARD—

You deploy a pair of underwear. Oh, for shit's sake, Mirnai. Keep your shit to yourself. “AUGGGH!” Dex and yourself yell and scramble back. Everybody else starts yelling, but after a minute you snatch the unmentionables and your sylladex up, putting everything back in its place. Keefe, not for the first time today, is in stitches. “I think I’m gonna head to bed,” Dex mumbles, looking queasy.

“What a load of hoofbeast shit.” Everyone freezes, but you’re not looking at them. You’re looking at the woman in black right outside the door. You take out your staff and let your feet touch the floor, absorbing your ancestors’ wrath. The fury of the pilots fills your veins, a left-over from that one time with Darcie’s maman.

Behind you, Sophie’s guards tense, and they all rise to their feet as stealthily as an oliveblood in a Totally Spies! TM brand bodysuit. You don’t give two steaming shits about the bodyguards. The woman pauses just beside the door, and that’s when you shatter the glass with your staff to hit her with the club end, but she very neatly jumps away. You hear Sophie whisper behind you, “It’s Vespera!” _Vespera, huh. Lookit dat face. You know who she reminds us of? _T̡̨͈̖̝̹̊̋̓̊H̳̲̯̦̮̬̩̮̖͖̭̯̳̋ͪ͆̈́͊ͬ̄̋͗̒̉͗̓͘͢͞Ȅ̶ͥͩͬ͆̈̐͒̄͑̚҉̶̻͉͓̱͎̺͉̞̣͚ͅ ͬ̃̈́̂̍͒̽ͤ̊̉͊̚C̿́͌͋̔͆͑̂͐Ò̞͖̥̰̪͙̙͕̂͊͛ͩ̉̌ͪN̶͎̲͎͑ͨ͆D̔̅́ͧ̎ͫͫẼ̛̪̭̼̫͙͙̟̫̖̖̏ͩͥ̈́̀̾͑ͯͩ͢͞S̺͔̳͎͇̤̫̹͎C̘̥̲͍̲̝͍͎̭̣̭ͬͬͨͮ̾̈́ͨͪͬ̀̏E̶

You shout and thrust out the end of your staff, ready to smack a bitch, but the awful woman throws some kind of dust on you. Suddenly, you can’t move, and you continue to not move as she takes your arm in her disgusting hand and puts another gross black goo on it. Oh boy, you’re going to die, huh.


	3. Holes In The Egg, Or, In 5019 Years, Holes In Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for a lot of gore, a huge fight, some vomiting, and Vespera
> 
> How are you going to get yourself out of this?

You can barely turn your head to look down at your arm, which suddenly seems the correct color for once: a warm gray. However, it should be noted that there are disgusting black veins mottling the surface, and spreading at a steady rate. You can’t even try to keep up the narrative at this point, so you gladly hand it over to Sophie in the midst of incomprehensible pain. If you don’t die from the poison, you’re going to die from shock.

You are Sophie Foster, and the thing you’ve dreaded most is happening: Vespera is.

At.

Your.

House.

Not today, bitch. Before you can even stop yourself, your hand flies up and what looks like Inflicting is released, landing directly upon Vespera. What you even inflict upon her, you do not know. However, her face twists in pain, and that’s all you need. Throwing stars embed themselves in the walls next to her, and you can’t believe your own rage, but at the same time it is justified. So, you make a sound that you didn’t know your throat could produce, and launch yourself at her with techniques you didn’t know you remember. She’s crossed a boundary, and she hasn’t brought any of her cronies with her.

Vespera is very, very stupid.

“SOPHIE!” Fitz grabs your hand, but to hell with him if he’s going to stop you from getting this wench out of your life. W-wait, what are you thinking? What’s going on? Who’s in your mind? What?

You are Mirnai Mrzzen, and fuck it. Bitch, you’re stronger than this! COME ON, GET UP! Y-you can’t! You feel so down…

Your eyes snap open. Your girl—she’s here! The veins of black on your arm continue to spread, but Ro—Elwin? Ro? ..somebody dashes to you and begins applying something else to your arm—you can’t even register the color at this point. The faint narrative control you’ve assumed as a player of Heart over Sophie diminishes, and she snaps to attention underneath Fitz. You’re convulsing, little sparks jumping out of you as you cough up golden blood. But, maybe, you’ll just…sleep…

You are Sophie, and you’re reeling at what you’ve just attempted to do. You remember Biana’s face, Oralie’s lover…were you acting on your own convictions? Was that your own rage? Was it really? As you question your actions, Vespera takes the opportunity to drop a smoke bomb—ugh, a _tear gas _bomb—and as you all cough and choke, Sandor somehow lands a small dagger in her cheek, causing a spurt of crimson that really was not helping your nausea. It doesn’t matter, because she escapes, the weasel. You’re suddenly aware of Mirnai’s prone form, because even if she does appear to be sleeping peacefully, her chest is heaving up and down in way that makes you want to vomit, which is what you do.

Keefe rushes over to you and helps you get your hair out of the way, and you kneel in a corner for a few minutes before Grady and Edaline come rushing in. Elwin is called, bodyguards are calmed, the Council is contacted, and Mirnai’s breathing only gets more labored before she starts to choke, face turning an odd yellow color. Her chest rises slower and slower, and all you can do is pray to anything that Elwin arrives in the next thirty seconds before the sopor mix gets to her more than it already has.

You look away for a moment, but when you look back, she is still. Your friends make a disbelieving circle around her, nobody even daring to ask if she’s…she’s…

Elwin bursts into the room, closely followed by Livvy. They both have the antidotes to the strange black choking soporidine, and you suddenly realize that Vespera wasn’t even looking to try to murder you or stop your friends.

She just wanted a test subject. As Elwin and Livvy prepare to take Mirnai to the actual hospital, a sudden blaze of pink light fills the room. _Oh, what now? _Your mind laments. But when you open your eyes fully, you see an odd symbol floating above Mirnai’s chest, looking like a stylized heart. Her frail form is lifted up, and it curls into a ball before jerking back open, wearing a dark magenta robe with a hood, and you swear you can see something else superimposed over it, like a grey patina. The same symbol is stenciled onto the chest of the outfit, but you don’t get any more time to look, because it evaporates, leaving the clothes she was wearing originally behind.

You’re so shocked, you can’t even say anything. When Mirnai opens her eyes, however, to reveal symmetrical dark magenta orbs with pinpricks of blush-colored light in them, you do admittedly scream.

You are Mirnai, and holy shit you can see everything holy fuck. You hiss and bring your cadaverous eyes over to where somebody in a sliver uniform is holding an oh no jegus what n—

You crash to the ground.

You are Sophie, and the Washers give you an official court summons. Honestly, this is starting to become redundant. They inform you that yes, everybody connected to this has to come too.

That’s over ten people, and you put your head in your hands. This is all so fast-paced and confusing, and you just want one damn day of just pastries and alicorn babies and learning. Just one. You only fall asleep that night with the help of cherry slushies and rainbow zebras dancing across your mind.


End file.
